Each of us has our nuclear family - the one we've built and are responsible for - our children, and the nuclear family we were born into - our parents and siblings.
And every decision we make affects us and both of these two families.
The ideal situation is when our decisions positively impact both families. But what happens if they don't? What if we decide to do something for ourselves and for the nuclear family we've built, leaving the other family behind?
That's the point we've been living for two years.
On the one hand, we gain a life of experiences, growth, and things we wouldn't have had if we had stayed home, and on the other hand, we lose our family because time doesn't stop when we leave.
So, both nuclear families pay the price of the decision.
Yes, distance and time take their toll, and slowly, we adapt to the logging and the sweet pain in the videos we send each other. But the shock at the meeting - the changes that time brings, the children growing up, the parents aging, the longing for a hug - is immense. And the difficulty of parting is heartbreaking, especially when the grandparents and boys are crying.
That's the moment I feel selfish. That what we're doing just isn't fair.
Yet, we've returned to the boat. And more than that, our journey may not necessarily end with a return to Israel.
So how and why?
Truthfully, with a heavy heart but a sense of duty.
A small duty - our duty to our nuclear family.
Thanks to the journey, options that didn't seem possible in our previous lives have opened up before us. Today, they're not only possible but seem better for us, and we need to take them for our nuclear family's sake.
It took me a long time to realize that the burden I carry with me, which makes me cry whenever I think about the family or when I explain to the boys why we're not returning to land yet, is guilt. Guilt for breaking something so trivial for both of our nuclear families - physical closeness and hugs.
But the sense of duty eases the guilt, and I hope the families (including the boys in the future) will understand and forgive us for taking it away from them.
.
Okay. Rum punch and back to fun.
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